Ashley Blogger from Bradley University -Taking a Stand

As many of you may or may not have heard, comedian Daniel Tosh made some rather unfunny comments about a female audience member at one of his shows. For those of you who may not have heard of this incident, I’ll give you a quick summary: Tosh made a rape joke, a woman in the audience “heckled” that “rape jokes are never funny” or something similar, and Tosh responded with a comment saying “wouldn’t it be funny if she got raped by like five guys right now…like right now?” or something of that nature. The woman and her friend left the comedy club shortly thereafter.

               

  People either bashed Tosh or defended him, usually based on whether they are a fan of him or not. People familiar with Tosh and have heard his jokes before know that he makes some of the most insensitive jokes out there. He’s a comedian after all, and no subject matter is really safe when it comes to him. So because he is known to make inappropriate jokes, he is being defended. Yeah, yeah, it was a joke, but his response to that woman was NOT funny. Most jokes that involve some type of injustice usually “attack” the oppressor and not the oppressed. Ultimately, Tosh definitely crossed the line.

               

  This incident leads to many questions concerning comedy, what is funny, and what is just cruel and crossing the line. Rape is a very sensitive subject, and personally, I don’t see it as something to joke about. It can happen to anyone, but more often than not, women are the victims. It is unlike most other crimes in that it leaves its victims emotionally and physically scarred for the rest of their lives. It’s not one of those things that you can just “get over” and laugh about later. Even as someone who has not experienced this myself, I have loved ones who have either been sexually assaulted or raped, and I don’t take it lightly when people make jokes about these situations, these crimes against humanity. So I commend that brave woman in the audience for speaking up that night in a comedy club that was most likely full of more males than females. I hope that this incident will encourage more people, women AND men alike, to stand up for victims and stop society from becoming so desensitized to such crimes. 

Who would you tell?- by Courtney

Day in and day out, I watch sexual assault survivors walk into our agency.  It is hard to miss the loneliness and fear hiding under their eyes but also the relief when they meet their counselor at the door – knowing support is there.      

                If you were a victim of sexual assault, whom would you disclose your experience to; your friend, the police, your sibling, a counselor, or perhaps no one at all?  While I feel like I am sure who I would turn to if ever in this situation, I was curious to learn more about whom college women majorly confide in after experiencing the painful and life-changing experience of sexual assault.  It is definitely a difficult situation to even imagine myself in, but it is also impossible not to wonder about as I watch those that lives been completely changed by sexual assault seek support from a counselor, who could be the only person they have disclosed to.

                To learn more about whom victims disclose their experience with, I turned to a study that examined 300+ undergraduate college women from the ‘Violence Against Women’ journal (To Whom Do College Women Confide Following Sexual Assault? A Prospective Study of Predictors of Sexual Assault Disclosure and Social Reactions, 2012).  According to the authors of this article, while rates of sexual assault are extremely high on college campuses, sexual assault remains the most underreported violent crime.  College women rarely report these crimes to police or campus officials, and they are more likely to disclose their experience with an ‘informal support provider,’ such as a friend.  Of all of the informal support providers (mother, siblings/other family members, female peers, male peers), female peers are overwhelmingly chosen as the informal support provider for sexual assault victims to disclose to.

                Prior to even reading this article, I would lump myself in the majority of women that would disclose to a female peer before disclosing to anyone else, even before my mother and my boyfriend. Parallel to this study and like a majority of college women, my peers are most likely to provide emotional support and a non-judgmental response if I would disclose to them.  While I feel extremely blessed to know that I have a support system that I would be able to disclose to, I know that this is not always the case.  However, while still a “formal” support provider, working with counselors that specialize in caring for sexual assault survivors has made me realize that counselors can be an essential support provider for survivors that perhaps have no one else to turn to.

Consent Matters by Juan Cordero Vasquez

The room was as dark as the night was. It reached about 100 degrees Fahrenheit but neither he nor she cared about how hot it was. Sweat dripping from their bodies, but none of them cared about how nasty the sweat was or how bad it smelled. Her parents have chosen to go out that night, and since she was their only child, now 16, she had no need of a babysitter. They have been dating for 2 months and this was going to be the exception of all the nights they wanted to strip each other’s clothes off and experience each other’s bodies, at least that’s what he had in mind. There have been so many instances in which he so desperately wanted to have sex with her. But why hasn’t he?

Every time he tried, she would smile, look at him and tell him she wasn’t prepared yet. She has come from a very traditional family and always held the value of marriage close to her heart. Nevertheless, she is human, and feels the temptations that change lives forever. She has never thought of having sex with him although she liked him for how much of a bad boy he looked like, how well-known he was around at the high school she attends and the straight-out-of-a-magazine car he drives. She had a future, and she knew it, what she didn’t know was how a 21 years-old man who hangs around the high school he graduated from, with the only purpose of taking young girls home to take their virginity away. He loved nothing more but his looks and has been experienced sexually since he was 12.She had fallen for him and it was getting harder and harder to keep his hands away from her body.

Although she was bottles of alcohol away from consciousness, he still noticed the confused, scared facial expressions he held at that moment. He didn’t care, nor asked. They have both been kissing for hours and although she felt she wanted him, her values were stronger than her lustful desires. Even after drinking more than enough to get an average drinker drunk. She was afraid she has given him the wrong impression but it has gotten too late. He held her with a strong grip close to his body and initiated the process she wish he never started. She felt scared and helpless and knew that at this point she could not do much but wait. How could she bare embarrassing herself like that in front of him? Although she had told him “no” so many times before, she felt guilty inside because she felt she had never considered his wants. But still, she feels pain. She desperately needed support at that moment. She didn’t feel comfortable, millions of thoughts running through her mind and anxiety building inside her chest.

After he was done, he got up, put his clothes on and left the room without saying a word.

She cried. She couldn’t tell what hurt more, the physical pain, or the emotional and psychological disturbance she was going through.

She never saw him again.

Consent is nothing more than clear communication between two individuals in order to understand unspoken intentions. Consent plays a major role in sex because it allows both parties to have a clear understanding of each other’s perspective before initiating any sexual activity.

In any relationship you have, make sure you have clear communication with your partner before diving into sex.

Ask. Never assume.