Consent Matters by Juan Cordero Vasquez

The room was as dark as the night was. It reached about 100 degrees Fahrenheit but neither he nor she cared about how hot it was. Sweat dripping from their bodies, but none of them cared about how nasty the sweat was or how bad it smelled. Her parents have chosen to go out that night, and since she was their only child, now 16, she had no need of a babysitter. They have been dating for 2 months and this was going to be the exception of all the nights they wanted to strip each other’s clothes off and experience each other’s bodies, at least that’s what he had in mind. There have been so many instances in which he so desperately wanted to have sex with her. But why hasn’t he?

Every time he tried, she would smile, look at him and tell him she wasn’t prepared yet. She has come from a very traditional family and always held the value of marriage close to her heart. Nevertheless, she is human, and feels the temptations that change lives forever. She has never thought of having sex with him although she liked him for how much of a bad boy he looked like, how well-known he was around at the high school she attends and the straight-out-of-a-magazine car he drives. She had a future, and she knew it, what she didn’t know was how a 21 years-old man who hangs around the high school he graduated from, with the only purpose of taking young girls home to take their virginity away. He loved nothing more but his looks and has been experienced sexually since he was 12.She had fallen for him and it was getting harder and harder to keep his hands away from her body.

Although she was bottles of alcohol away from consciousness, he still noticed the confused, scared facial expressions he held at that moment. He didn’t care, nor asked. They have both been kissing for hours and although she felt she wanted him, her values were stronger than her lustful desires. Even after drinking more than enough to get an average drinker drunk. She was afraid she has given him the wrong impression but it has gotten too late. He held her with a strong grip close to his body and initiated the process she wish he never started. She felt scared and helpless and knew that at this point she could not do much but wait. How could she bare embarrassing herself like that in front of him? Although she had told him “no” so many times before, she felt guilty inside because she felt she had never considered his wants. But still, she feels pain. She desperately needed support at that moment. She didn’t feel comfortable, millions of thoughts running through her mind and anxiety building inside her chest.

After he was done, he got up, put his clothes on and left the room without saying a word.

She cried. She couldn’t tell what hurt more, the physical pain, or the emotional and psychological disturbance she was going through.

She never saw him again.

Consent is nothing more than clear communication between two individuals in order to understand unspoken intentions. Consent plays a major role in sex because it allows both parties to have a clear understanding of each other’s perspective before initiating any sexual activity.

In any relationship you have, make sure you have clear communication with your partner before diving into sex.

Ask. Never assume.

Text Control-The Hidden Agenda- Ashley Bradley University Blogger

With the changing of times and advancing of technology, it is now possible to keep in contact with our significant others more often than a decade ago, thanks to text messaging. Now we can send each other cute messages in the morning rather than calling and possibly waking the other from their beauty sleep. Texting has become very important to everyday life and crucial to relationships. If our boyfriends or girlfriends don’t reply to our texts, we begin to worry, especially if we have no idea where they are or what they are doing. Worrying is normal when you cannot get in contact with the person in any way, shape, or form. Today, some of us will worry or take it personal when it takes someone longer than 10 minutes to reply to a text. When this happens, some people will then send the message again or more messages asking where the person is…

 In a relationship, one might see their significant other texting them so often as a sign that this person really cares about them. This is “cute” at first, especially in new relationships, but it can take a scary turn quickly. Some of us might find ourselves in a situation where our boy(girl)friend asks us where we are every hour that we are not with them, who we are with, what we are doing. Multiple texts turn into constant phone calls and arguments. The thing about texts is that you can’t read someone’s emotions, unless they specifically state their current emotion. This could be a sign of someone who has jealousy or trust issues, but it could be the sign of someone who needs to be in control of another person. Many people do not realize it, but these are many times early indicators of abusive relationships. The arguments over ignored texts and missed phone calls turns into verbal abuse, and that is often followed by physical abuse when the controlling partner reaches their breaking point.

If you find yourself or even a friend complaining about a significant other’s obsessive texts and/or phone calls, take that as a sign to really look at the relationship. Sit down and have a serious talk to explain your feelings and see what the other’s intentions are by doing all of this. Remember, there is nothing wrong with having your own personal free time away from your significant other; you always need personal time, whether that’s time spent alone or with friends. If they can’t respect your personal time, you might have to cut them loose. It’s not always easy to see the signs, but now we know another way to protect ourselves and even our friends from getting caught in a dangerous situation.

How to Support a Friend- Courtney Indiana blogger

I have and will continue to devote my entire summer to interning at a local rape crisis center.  As an intern, I am responsible for entering survey data that is collected at local high schools that have been a part of our sexual assault prevention program during the past year.  As I was going through a pile of anonymous surveys from the high school I graduated from just four years ago, I could not help but wonder if any of these surveys were filled out by my neighbors, relatives or friend’s younger siblings.  Even more so, I imagined myself sitting in that classroom four years ago next to a student that may have circled “yes” when asked “have you ever been a victim of sexual assault?” without me ever knowing.

                When I was in high school, this program sadly did not exist.  However, going through the surveys from my high school made me wonder if I would have known how to support a friend that was sexually assaulted when I was that age and without the experience I have working in the field of sexual assault as I have today.  With that being said, I find it extremely important to share the most necessary components you must know if your friend discloses a sexual assault to you.  (For the purpose of this blog, I will use “her” when describing your friend; however I completely understand that men are also victims of sexual assault).

Feel extremely honored that your friend has disclosed to you.  With that said, keep whatever your friend discloses you between you and her.

               

Believe your friend. Don’t ever place blame on your friend or ask her any questions regarding her actions surrounding the assault.

Be sure to assure and remind your friend that is it not her fault.

Listen! Let your friend lead the conversation, and do not pry for information that your friend does not give you on her own. Maintain eye contact to show your friend that your attention is all hers.

Encourage your friend to seek medical attention and counseling, but make sure not to place pressure on your friend.  Sexual assault takes away a victim’s voice, so letting her make her own decisions is extremely important.  If your friend decides she does want counseling, call your local rape crisis hotline for counseling services within your area.

Try not to express your own feelings regarding your friend’s situation or sexual assault.

Be patient.  Healing from a sexual assault can be a very long process, and the process varies from person to person.  Reassure your friend that you are there for her through the entire healing process.

                Keep in mind that these are a few tips to turn to if a friend ever discloses a sexual assault to you, but remember that everyone’s reaction to sexual assault will vary.  If you feel that you need help being a helper, contact a 24/7 rape crisis hotline for more guidance and potential resources to help your friend in this traumatic time.  If you are not sure of a local hotline, you can call the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-HOPE for a national hotline.

Drunk Means No Consent by blogger Ashley from Bradley University

Going away to college is a big change for young adults. We are constantly surrounded by our peers now, and many of us are greatly influenced by them. Drinking is a big social activity on campuses, and many (if not most) students participate in drinking activities. Girls and guys go to parties, drink a little, meet up with one another, and sometimes hit it off. Many times we hear of girls and guys waking up next to someone they don’t know, and they have no recollection of what happened the previous night. Girls tend to be more vulnerable in these situations. We have a little too much to drink, meet some “great” guy, and go back to their place. At that moment, we think that is what we want, to go further, or we are too out of it to really say “no”. The thing that many college students don’t necessarily know before entering school is that you cannot honestly consent to sex when drunk since your mental process is clouded. For this reason, so many girls are devastated when they find out that they have slept with these guys. Many guys will argue that the girl did not say “no” or stop them, but if she was drunk, do you really think she was in her right mind? I know a lot of people are excited after having a one-night-stand with an attractive person, but there are many people who are not so excited for reasons like this. So guys and gals, protect yourselves and know your rights and the law. If the person is drunk (especially when you know that you are not), it’s safe to just abstain from sex for the night and not have a possible sexual assault/rape case at hand. 

Como prevenir asalto sexual por medio de la intervención del espectador? by Olive Harvey College Blogger Juan Cordero Vasquez

Tanto hombres como mujeres pueden prevenir el asalto sexual de muchas maneras. Una de las varias maneras de prevenir el asalto sexual es por el medio de la intervención del espectador. Pero que exactamente es la intervención del espectador?

La intervención activa del espectador es un enfoque que nos permite identificar situaciones que puedan terminar en asalto sexual haciendo que la persona intervenga para prevenir algún tipo de asalto sexual.  Tanto hombres como mujeres pueden ser estas personas que se enfocan en prevenir el asalto sexual por medio de observación. Digamos que está en la fiesta de graduación de Universidad de su mejor amiga y el licor está en abundancia. Todas las personas en la fiesta se están poniendo un poco fuera de control pero parece que todos se están divirtiendo. En una de las esquinas del sótano en donde la fiesta está situada nota que su mejor amiga está siendo acorralada por un muchacho que se acerca más y más a ella cada segundo que pasa.  Aparentemente el muchacho está borracho, pero no tan borracho como su mejor amiga. Usted ya tiene una idea de lo que podrá pasar si no interviene a tiempo. Estas sugerencias podrán ser de ayuda en esta situación:

1.      Tome acción a tiempo. La idea es tener tiempo suficiente para intervenir antes de que tu amiga sea otra víctima de asalto sexual.

2.      Llame a un amigo o a un grupo de amigos para que le ayuden a transportar a su amiga a un lugar seguro, lejos de peligro.

3.      Llame alas autoridades si no tiene control de la situación.

4.      No deje su amiga sola por ninguna circunstancia.

5.      Distraiga la situación, haciendo lo que sea posible para que pare al muchacho de seguir el acoso.

How can you prevent sexual assault through bystander intervention? Olive Harvey College- Juan Blogger

Men and women can prevent sexual assault in many ways. One of the many ways it’s Bystander Intervention. But what exactly is Bystander intervention?

Active Bystander Intervention is an approach that encourages people to identify situations that might lead to sexual assault leading that person to intervene in order to prevent the assault from happening. Both men and women could be active bystander interveners. Let’s say you are at your best friend’s college graduation party and the alcohol is in abundance. Everyone is getting a little out of control yet everyone seems to be having a great time. On one of the corners of the basement you notice a guy that is close in distance to your best friend and he’s consistently getting closer and closer while she is literally drunk out of her consciousness. You already know, or might have an idea of what might happen to your best friend if this isn’t stopped right away. Here are some suggestions on what to do in this instance:

 Act in time. The idea is to have enough time to intervene before your friend is yet another victim of sexual assault.


 Call a group of friends or friend at the party to help you get your best friend to a safe place as soon as possible.


 Call authorities if you have no control over the situation.


  Stay by your friend’s side at all times.


 Drift the situation away by doing anything that would disturb the guy from continuing his attempts.

Sexual Assault in the Workplace by Courtney Indiana University

Four years have gone by, faster than I could have ever expected, and I am now a college graduate.  The risk of sexual assault while in college is well known for college women, as it is generally common knowledge that 1 in 4 college women will become a victim of sexual assault during her academic career.  Because of this alarming and realistic statistic, sexual assault preventative resources and services were readily available around my campus, ranging from student run organizations, Greek organizations, philanthropic events and health care services.

                

Now that I am a college graduate and I am preparing for the next stage of my life – becoming a member of the work force, I wonder, are the same sexual  assault resources going to be available to me as a working woman that were available to me as a college student?  In order to find out more, I browsed around the website www.workplacesrespond.org, which is a national resource center that encourages workplaces to respond to domestic and sexual violence. This website is a great resource to learn about sexual and domestic violence within the workplace and to learn how to implement appropriate responses to violence within one’s place of work.

               

  Through out my college experience, the statistic that I stated before (1 out of 4 college women will be a victim of sexual assault while in college) was continuously used as a basis for sexual assault prevention programs and to encourage students to do their part in preventing and spreading awareness about sexual assault.  As I have been in this college bubble for four years, and as difficult as it is to admit, it made it seem as if sexual assault was primarily, if not only, a problem on college campuses.  However, as I have learned and come to realize, that is not at all the case.  According to www.workplacesrespond.org, the U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 8% of sexual assaults occur while a victim is working.  While this percentage is not huge, it still opened my eyes to the reality that even now that I am a college graduate, I still face similar fears of sexual violence as I did as an undergraduate college student.

                

I encourage all readers, especially college graduates, to browse over this website in order to learn more about sexual assault within the workplace, and how to implement prevention resources within your future place of work.  Now that we are members of the “real world,” it is our responsibility to continue doing our part to prevent and spread awareness about sexual assault the same way we did as college students.