At the Hands of a Stranger- by blogger Ashley from Bradley University

A few weeks ago, my roommates and I went out to dinner at one of the restaurants close to campus, so we decided to walk there. Once we sat down at our table, I realized that my female roommate looked a bit distraught and on the verge of tears. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that while we were on the block of the restaurant a random man touched her shoulder.

Actually, he rubbed her arm as he walked by. I remembered this guy walking by us in the opposite direction, and he was walking rather close, but I just assumed he was drunk. I tried to comfort my roommate, and she kept saying how she didn’t understand why he would touch her since they were complete strangers to each other.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a stranger or not, random men who find a woman attractive while walking down the street tend to make some kind of gesture hinting at the fact that they think you’re attractive. Usually there are the cat calls that are easier to ignore, or the unfortunate eyes staring at your breasts or butt, but then there are those who actually make physical contact with some part of your body that just completely violates you.

As women, we shouldn’t feel that it isn’t safe for us to walk alone, especially so close to our institution of higher learning. We are the ones who are told to never walk alone at night, wear “appropriate” clothing, be aware of our surroundings, and watch where we walk- we are the ones told to be cautious and to change our routine to protect ourselves. People should be telling the guys not to even think about touching a woman, to keep their hands to themselves. A guy walking down a dark street alone is susceptible to being robbed, while a woman is susceptible to being robbed and sexually assaulted. I’m not saying that guys aren’t sexually assaulted as well when they are robbed, but those numbers are fewer compared to women. We’ve got to have the strength to call these men out for making women feel uncomfortable and sometimes even paranoid. It’s time to make the perpetrators change their actions.

Sexual Assault in the LGBT Community by Blogger Ashley at Bradley University

When we usually talk about sexual assault, we tend to focus on heterosexual females assaulted by heterosexual males. While that is the main demographic we are shown, we must not forget others who are equally affected by sexual assault. Women in general feel the stigma that they won’t be believed if they admit they’ve been sexually assaulted, but also add in the fact that someone’s sexual orientation could hurt them even more in the society we live in.

Via the Blue Grass Rape Crisis Center’s website, I looked at some statistics relating to sexual violence in the LGBT community:

·         “If a survivor is not ‘out’ she or he may be afraid to risk coming forward and being ‘outed’. Or, he or she may be confused, embarrassed, and ashamed of the sexual assault or consider it a ‘normal’ first-time experience.”

·         

 “   "Discrimination and hate crimes lead some survivors to feel their identity, and therefore their very existence, is questionable and so reporting may seem futile.”

·         “When a LGBT survivor seeks assistance from the community or law enforcement, he or she may not be believed or taken seriously due to homophobia or lack of training/information.”

·         “LGBT individuals generally suffer from greater isolation from family and friends than heterosexual people and, therefore, they may not expect support even if they did come forward.”

·         “Many people deny LGBT relationships are legitimate which can be a barrier to reporting sexual violence and seeking help.”

·         “Survivors of same-sex sexual assault have been invisible in mainstream legal/medical/community organizations, and so providers may not believe someone coming forward.”

·         “Internalized homophobia or transphobia may lead to feelings of responsibility (e.g. “This happened to me because of who I am”). 

      They may question their orientation and/or gender and feel helpless.”

These are just a few of the statistics, and they are very real. Though our society is growing to be more accepting of the LGBT community, there is still a huge cloud of discrimination overshadowing the community. People are people, and one’s sexual orientation is an important part of them like anything else. Regardless if you agree with someone’s orientation or not, we should agree that no one deserves to be assaulted nor should anyone stay silent because of who they are. As a community, as a society, we are to fight for justice for ALL not justice for some.

Resource: http://www.bluegrassrapecrisis.org/education/facts/lgbt.html

Ayudando a nuestros seres queridos by Harold Washington Blogger- Juan

Es una experiencia trágica recibir una llamada telefónica recibiendo la noticia que han asaltado sexualmente a una de las personas que mas amas. Mas trágica es la situación cuando 700 millas de distancia separan a esa persona y a ti. La experiencia fue algo que me tomo de sorpresa. Al principio, no supe como lidiar con la situación apropiadamente y aunque ella fue la victima de este asalto, todas las personas que la amaban en aquel entonces sufrieron terriblemente en conjunción.  Después de un tiempo tome la decisión de mudarme con ella y trate mil y una maneras de como hacerla sentir mejor; como hacerla feliz de nuevo, después que un mal nacido le arranco la felicidad desde las raíces. Fue sumamente duro, enojo se asiento en mi corazón por esta injusticia y siempre quise hacerle algún tipo de daño a la persona que ataco a la querida mía. Preguntas batallaban en mi mente con posibles soluciones y maneras de hacer que el daño se aleje del corazón de mi querida pero casi siempre falle. Fue una de las experiencias más difíciles que he vivido y para ella, la peor. Hubo momentos que falle en comprender los sentimientos de ella pues estaba bien joven e inmaduro y no supe conectar sus acciones y manera de comportarse con la tragedia; que al fin y al cabo eran las raíces de su comportamiento extraño. La herí en varias ocasiones y me he sentido desastrosamente mal desde esos momentos. Pero con el tiempo, aprendí a ayudarla de una manera productiva. Es bien importante que si alguna persona que amas haya pasado por una situación como esta hagas búsqueda en el internet o bibliotecas acerca de como manejar y tratar a tu amado o amada. Este blog no es lo suficiente.

Me tomo un poco de tiempo a aprender estos simples pero aquí les va.

En todas situaciones, tienes que ser bien entendible. No importa si el o ella actúe raramente, y creas que no tienen la razón, o se comportan de manera inmadura. Estos comportamientos son simplemente el resultado del trauma psicológico causado por el asalto sexual. Necesitamos ser bien cariñosos y entender a nuestros queridos y queridas en toda situación posible. Y si estas en un argumento y crees que tienes la razón, en voz delicada comunica tu opinión con tu querido o querida.

Nunca le eches la culpa a tu querido o querida acerca de el asalto sexual. Esto es algo que es sumamente importante en el crecimiento de el estado psicológico de tu querido o querida. Necesitamos ser bien sensibles y bien cuidadosos con las intenciones detrás de nuestras palabras. En ciertas ocasiones, puede que la victima se eche la culpa, pero necesitamos siempre estar ahí para ellos y ser esa ayuda que necesitan y recordarles que nada fue su culpa.

Sobre todo, siempre debes de estar ahí para tu querido o querida. Hazte a cargo de que nunca se sienta solo/sola. El asalto sexual es una experiencia traumática y por lo tanto mientras mas amor y cariño que le demos a nuestros amados queridos mejor. 

Helping our loved one- by Olive Harvey College Blogger Juan

It is a tragic experience to receive a phone call that a person you love and adore has been sexually assaulted. It is yet worse to experience this call 700 miles away from where your loved one is located. The experience was something that caught me off guard. At first, I did not know how to properly act upon this situation and although she was the victim, every person that had love for her got terribly affected by this catastrophic event.

After we finally met physically and decided to live together I approached many different ways to help her in the most sensitive ways I could. It was hard though, anger toward the aggressor sat still in my heart for years. Questions battled my consciousness and solutions to my beloved psychological disturbances where far from a reach point. It was definitely one of the hardest experiences I have ever lived through and hers, probably the worst. There were moments in which I failed to comprehend her actions and behaviors and since I was young and immature I would not link them with the assault. I hurt her in some occasions and have felt horrible ever since. But with time, I have been able to understand how to go about helping that loved one that had to deal with this painful experience. It is pivotal that if you are in the situation in which one of your loved ones had gone through this same experience, thorough research and readings about how to deal with the victim must be done. This blog just isn’t enough.
It took me a while but here are a few pieces of advice.

Over all situations, you need to be understanding, regardless if his or her behaviors do not make logical sense to you. This might happen because of unexplainable psychological changes that go on with the victim after the assault. Above all, we must remember to be understanding and willing to comprehend and listen to our loved ones regardless of the situation.

Do not blame the victim. This is something that is really important in the development of the healthy state of mind journey the individual will eventually encounter. We must be sensitive and be really careful of the intents and words we use. At times, the victim might blame himself/herself and we need to be the backbone that they fall on and reassure them of the reality of things, that it was NOT his or her fault.

Overall, be there for your loved one at all times. Check up on them every day if you can, and make sure they never feel alone. Sexual assault is a major traumatic experience and the more help and love you could provide your loved one, the better.

A Few Questions- by Blogger Ashley from Bradley University

For this month’s blog, I asked three of my fellow colleagues about their opinions on sexual assault as well as abuse. While the three questions were short and simple, at least two of them could bring up complex answers. Each person comes from different backgrounds and experiences, which would lead to different answers among the participants. I let them all know that there was no specific answer I was expecting to hear from them- I just wanted them to be completely honest.

What is sexual assault, what defines it to you?

“Basically anything sexual that is not wanted.”- female

“Any unwanted or nonconsensual sexual act or touch or if it makes a person feels uncomfortable. So if you start doing something and change your mind, but the other person doesn’t stop, that would be sexual assault.”- female

“Any sexual actions without consent or without knowledge of consent. For example, if you’re under the influence of alcohol or drugs and make an irrational decision or don’t fully consent because you’re under the influence.”- male

Do you know someone who has been sexually assaulted?

“Not that I know of.”- female

“Yes.”- female

“No.”- male

Do you think it’s ever okay for a man to hit a woman, or vice versa?

“No, I don’t think it’s okay for either to do it.”- female

“Not that I think it’s okay, but I guess I understand if it happens. It’s really hard to say.”- female

“Only in self-defense or protecting an individual.”- male

……..

All of my participants pretty much had similar answers as to what they believe sexual assault is. Only one person knowingly knows of someone who’s been sexually assaulted, meaning that the other two may actually be unaware of the fact that someone close to them may have been sexually assaulted in the past.

The final question is one that could lead to a large discussion. For some, it’s simple to say that no one should be hitting anyone, while others could say the usual exception: self-defense. Then there’s that gray area, where it isn’t as clear to a person whether or not abuse is acceptable, usually because this person has been in this situation personally.

From these questions, I wanted to get a feel for how people felt about sexual assault and abuse in general. People were a bit thrown off at first by the question and felt self-conscious answering them, but I could see how uneasy and uncomfortable they were. I didn’t tell anyone whether their responses were “right” or “wrong” because that’s not what the point was. In the future, though, I’d like to talk more in depth with my fellow colleagues about their thoughts on abuse in a non-judgmental atmosphere. In the end, I hope that no one feels that they “deserve” to be hit or abused for any reason, I hope that no one finds it “understandable” that someone could be hit by their significant other. This can no longer be acceptable behavior.

Erasing the taboo- Lily Blogger

As a native-Chicagoan, I am fiercely proud about everything that is Chicago-related, whether it's about cheering for "Da Bears" or splurging on a deep dish pizza for dinner. Chicago is my hometown, flaws and all. However, I am slightly disappointed with Chicago and the rest of the nation right now. Although October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, you would hardly notice it. As I am flipping through the channels, I see football players wearing pink socks and shoes. As I'm driving down Lake Shore Drive, I spot the Willis (Sears) Tower shining in pink. As a woman, I love breasts! As a matter of fact, I have two of my own. However, I would like to argue that if domestic violence received even a tenth of this attention, it would go a long way towards tearing down the stigma for victims and survivors of domestic violence.

Tiny steps have been made in the past couple of months. According to a recent article by the Chicago tribune, the US Department of Justice has given approximately $500,000 in total to Loyola University and Joliet Junior College to help schools reduce the rate of date rape and other assaults. Also, the money is used towards developing stronger sexual assault programs and bolster campus security. Although this is great news for those campuses, there is still so much left to do. Therefore, for the rest of this month, I implore you to not only wear pink, but to wear purple and support the fight against domestic violence.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/sns-ap-il--illinois-colleges-womens-safety-20120920,0,6012045.story

It’s Her Fault? Really? Ashley Bradley University Blogger

If you’re from the Chicagoland area, you’ve probably heard about the high school counselor and girls’ basketball coach from the southern suburbs who wrote a racy, “self-help” relationship book geared towards women entitled It’s Her Fault and was recently fired as a result. Now, he has the right to exercise freedom of speech, his first amendment right, by writing a book. The issue is that it is a highly offensive and degrading work.

Now, I haven’t read the book myself, but I’ve been hearing a lot about it since returning to school. The media continually quotes the same sentence from the book: "The ultimate point here is to utilize your worth, brains, experience or even sex appeal to potentially dominate one of the least intelligent creatures on the planet when it comes to the opposite sex," Craig writes. So women are one of the least intelligent creatures? The same “creatures” who bring males into this very world? If we are so lacking in intelligence, then what is our purpose on this planet? Is our purpose only to appeal to and please men? If that is our sole purpose, then I would agree that we are not too intelligent, but the majority of women are not on this planet to simply please men.

I spoke with a friend about it, and she mentioned the possibility of Bryan Craig (the author) writing the book as a joke just to see if he can get away with it. Maybe he did it as a publicity stunt of sorts. The thing is I don’t think Craig wrote it as a joke at all. I believe this is what he truly believes and how he feels about the female population. It makes me wonder if this is how he feels about his own wife (since it turns out that he’s actually married). Does he expect her to behave certain ways and hold her to a certain standard? I don’t think this is fair to his wife or women in general.

Blaming women for most issues in a relationship is not fair at all since relationships are a two-way street. I think another issue with this book is that it is truly reinforcing patriarchal society concepts in some areas. Because Craig is a man, he is superior and therefore knows exactly how a woman should act and what would make her a better wife and such. It’s one thing to give good advice on how to make relationships better in little ways, but it’s another thing to basically criticize and blame half of the human race for relational problems.