The Bystander Approach and the Need for Men’s Help-Indiana Blogger- Courtney

The bystander approach suggests that “individuals in a community can intervene when faced with situations involving interpersonal violence,” and this approach is often used in sexual assault prevention programs (Dick, A., McMahon, S., 2011).  Because interpersonal violence (IPV), in specific physical and sexual assault, and stalking, consists of violence inflicted on women more so than men, recent research has focused on the need of men to be involved in IPV programs.

However, men are less likely to intervene due to socially constructed expectations of what it is to be masculine, which consists of being heterosexual, strong and sexually able. Men may not intervene when seeing or hearing about IPV due to fear other men will think they are homosexual or weak, due to these social norms.

In a study on male’s attitudes of the bystander approach (Dick, A., McMahon, S., 2011) it was found that men do in fact think IPV is a very serious problem, and it is should be the responsibility of men to act on it.  However, the researchers also found that males still express anxiety when talking about actually intervening, which again suggests that cultural definitions of masculinity may make men hesitant in getting involved in IPV prevention programs. 

This study really makes me wonder about our power to change social norms and gendered expectations.  One of my Gender Studies professors constantly emphasizes that because social norms and scripts are socially constructed, we, as a society have the power to change them.  Because more women are sexually assaulted then men, it is viewed as a “woman’s issue,” and thus women are expected to be the ones that are proactive in preventing sexual assault, while similar expectations may men resist intervening in fear of threatening their masculinity.  These social norms are glued to our minds because of the way sexual assault, femininity and masculinity are depicted in our society, and only WE have the power to alter these norms to make the world a better and safer place for both genders to live simultaneously/at the same time.

Men; You Can Help by our Kansas blogger-Chris

It is widely assumed that sexual assault only happens to women.  Pop culture portrays it this way but it couldn’t be further from the truth.  In reality one in ten sexual assault victims is male.  Although this pales in comparison to the numbers you see about female sexual assault, it should be a call to action for men everywhere.  Sexual assault happens and you can help in several ways.

If you are in college you can get involved with the programs at your school.  Check with your school’s involvement center or women’s resource center.  You can help instruct self-defense classes or join a buddy program.  At my school there is a program called JayWalk where volunteers will meet you where you are and walk you to your car at night.  If your school doesn’t have it, make it happen.

If you are out of school you can still help.  Look for organizations in your community that support sexual assault victims.  It could be answering phones on a hot line or accommodating someone at a safe house. 

There is no need to pretend like sexual assault does not happen.  The issue has become taboo and the only people willing to stand up and fight are women when it can happen to anyone.  Men; you can help.  Show your support for both male and female sexual assault victims.  Stand up with the victims and survivors of sexual assault.

Girl Power- by Chicago Blogger Diane

One of my favorite parts of the movie "Miss Congeniality" is when Agent Gracie Hart, posing as contestant Gracie Lou Freebush, performs during the talent round of the Miss United States pageant. She originally wanted to play the glass harp but the other Miss United States contestants drink all the water out of the glass harp. So as a last minute decision, she decides to show the audience some self defense using the acronym S.I.N.G. (Solar plexus, Instep, Nose, Groin). While it is a humorous scene to watch, the skill of self defense is no laughing matter.

Self-defense is a potential life saving skill. Taking a self defense class will give you more confidence and it can bring out that fighting spirit in you. Knowing how to defend yourself in an attack situation occurs, will give you confidence and peace of mind. For those in Chicago IMPACT Chicago is a great place to take a self defense class in the city. Founded in 1987, IMPACT "is committed to ending violence and building a non-violent world in which all people can live safely and with dignity"( www.impactchicago.org).  

In another scene in Miss Congeniality, the main character Agent Gracie and a beauty queen Cheryl Frasier are in a nightclub, Cheryl speaks of a time in college where her professor attacked her and she didn’t report it. When Gracie asks why she didn’t report the crime Cheryl speaks that her experience happens all the time and is not a big deal. It is a big deal; while statistics don’t lie 1 in 5 women in college will be a victim of sexual assault. This crime doesn’t have to be with prevention being the key to discussing this crime and the reality of it, before it becomes the normal experience.  Let’s start the discussion of why the crime of sexual assault needs to be not part of anyone’s coming of age experience. Send us your comments on ways to discuss breaking the silence of this crime at your school to gwen@leilagrace.org or tweet us. 

Sisterly Love by Courtney

Sisterly Love

Being a member of a sorority, I would like to think that I know my loyal sisters inside and out, however, when it comes to sexual assault, this is far from the case.  I find it extremely heartbreaking that I have spent hours upon hours sharing stories with the women I call my best friends, yet speaking about sexual assault is not commonly dinner-table conversation, to say the least. 

So when can this conversation take place?  When can these women have a chance to share their stories without feeling alienated or as if they are finally coming clean about something they feel they have kept from their sisters?  I understand speaking about one’s experience with sexual assault is not by any means a quick and easy process, so I wanted to give my sisters an opportunity to speak up in a private manner.

In order to do so, I sent out a survey to my entire sorority, in hopes that my sisters would feel comfortable sharing their personal views and stories in a completely anonymous manner.  Out of 10 questions, there was one in particular that really boggled my mind.  When asked the question “have you or someone you know ever been a victim of sexual assault?” 80% of my sisters, my best friends, responded “yes.”  I have heard time and time again, 1 out of 5 college women have been victimized by sexual assault, but this statistic sparked a personal realization when I acknowledged that there are women that live under the same roof as my own that have survived a sexual assault.  These are the women I sit next to at every meal, and who knows if they have ever shared their painful experience or if they are aware of the confidential resources available to them?

Survivors of sexual assault feel that their freedom of choice and ability to use their voice has been violently taken from them.  While I felt helpful in giving my sisters a voice through a survey, I feel that that is not nearly enough.  Within the Greek community at Indiana University, there is a program called “Safe Sisters,” which consists of a few women from each sorority that are supposed to emotionally support, provide resources and give a voice to their sisters following a sexual assault.  However, an alarming 70% of my sisters were not aware that these resources even exist within our chapter.   How will my sisters ever speak up about their experience if they are not even aware that they are living down the hall from a sister who is more than willing to listen and to be a shoulder to cry on?

This lack of awareness really got me thinking.  Crucial and proactive sexual assault prevention programs, such as Safe Sisters, and any other programs around campus need to be known!  Whether they are publicized through fliers around campus or spreading the word to other Greek organizations, awareness is a necessary factor in giving sexual assault survivors their voice back.

Post 1-Rape culture in today's society-By Blogger Soma

If you follow the Daily Beast, or even the Gawker Twitter account, you might have seen an opinion piece by one Rikki Kleiman regarding a rape allegation recently raised against Greg Kelly, a local NYC TV anchor and son of NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly. In the piece, Kleiman asserts that the real victim of this case is Greg Kelly, not the accuser. The comments made by Kleiman are surprising to say the least, especially if you consider her history - she used to prosecute rape cases in Massachusetts and is currently a member of the board for the Rape Treatment Center in Los Angeles, California. Her whole theory is that there is no way to know what happened when Kelly and his accuser went up to the accuser's office (where the rape allegedly occurred) and that all of the recently published "evidence" (published mostly by tabloids, hence the quotations) points towards a consensual relationship. So what is this recently published "evidence"? Sexual texts between Kelly and the accuser before and after their date, an alleged abortion of a pregnancy caused by the alleged rape, and the three-month delay in reporting the crime. Kleiman then goes on to bring up other high-profile rape allegations in which the defendant was falsely accused. In this same piece, she says things like "even a prostitute can be raped," but that there is no doubt that this woman who aggressively pursued Kelly and is just upset that he spurned her advances. She ends all of this with a statement on how we have to create an environment in which victims need to feel comfortable about reporting rape. 

It's a bit confusing, isn't it? To have a someone with a background like Kleiman's say these things. Her comments about how Kelly's accuser is just doing this out of anger and spite because he didn't like her - comments like that are exactly what create an unwelcoming environment for rape victims. By writing something like this, she and the Daily Beast have just stoked the flames of insecurity that so many victims experience. It would be one thing to derive a judgement if the published "evidence" was presented in a trial, but to take the words of numerous tabloids as fact is highly irresponsible. This case is only about a week old, and for anyone to question the accuser's character at this point is premature. Why don't we all wait to see if this even goes to trial, which will be a whole other unsettling issue if it doesn't.

Leila Grace Foundation Blog Post #1- January- Diane

What is compassion? Compassion is the “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it” (Merriam-Webster Dictionary). Most of us exemplify compassion in our daily lives- when we give some spare change to someone that is homeless, when we offer to help a classmate with math problems that they are struggling with, or when we help a friend have a good time after a painful breakup.

The one area where compassion seems to be lacking is in the cases of sexual assault and rape. Some people have a lack of compassion for survivors of these tragedies. They reason that the victims “asked for it” because of the way they were dressed or the way they acted.  These people don’t understand how their lack of compassion affects the survivors. What these people need to understand is that it is not the survivors’ fault. They were not asking to be assaulted or raped. Survivors go through enough mental turmoil following the incidences; they don’t need more of it from insensitive people.

While it may be hard for people to comfort or understand what a survivor is going through, demonstrating compassion is a good first step. If the survivor wants to share what happened, listen to them. Actually try to understand what they are going through but don’t pretend you already know. Second, give your support. Offer to go with them to the hospital or police station. Show that you want to accompany them so they don’t have to go alone. Just having you there could mean the world to the survivors.

Healing Journey

Healing Journey 

I can’t believe the end of the year is upon us.  To close out the year, I have re-read the blogs I have written.  Here are the titles:

• May- Healing Journey/I Said Nothing
• June- How often do you think about the attack?
• July- What about dating?
• August- What about have the conversation?
• September- Sex Not Rape…Rape Not Sex
• October- Bystander Intervention, Partying Responsibly, & Sexual Assault Prevention
• November- Will it ever stop?

The first thing that strikes me is four out of the seven blog titles are questions and one is a slash.  I think, in general, whatever comes after the slash is closer to the truth.  The after-slash title was the first title of May’s blog.  I did say nothing.  This haunts me the most of that entire situation.  I did not respond in the way I always said I would if something like that happened to me.  On the contrary, I became Silence.  More guarded than Fort Knox, Silence ran my life for a long time. 
If I could re-write the story from the beginning of the night, it would go like this:
I am so excited to hang out with my friends tonight.  We haven’t all been together in so long.  Two hours later. Whoa, I am feeling pretty drunk.  I better slow down.  Shit, I am going to puke.  I look at my friends and ask them to take me home.  This is unlike me and I just need some fresh air, my own bed, and some water. 
If I could re-write the story from the point of leaving the bar, it would go like this:
“Jayne, do you want me to take you home?”  “No,” I say.  “I will get a ride with your brother, his friend, and Rick.”  Upon our return home.  “We want to hook up.  Can Rick sleep in your bed?”  I reply with a “Nope.  Sorry about that.  I need some sleep and you can hook up with Rick passed out on the next couch if you really want.”
If I could re-write the story from the moment I woke up, face down, suffocating on the sheets, with my body being invaded.
“What the fuck?”  I scream.  Yell “Stop.  Get off me.  I don’t want this. No.”  I fight until he stops.  I kick him out of my house.  I call the police and press charges. 
Many questions run through my mind about how and why I did not do anything to stand up for myself, to fight back, to stop him from hurting other women.  Perhaps this is why over half the blog titles are questions.  Perhaps this is why I have spent so much of the last ten years advocating for what is right, even when it is against the odds.  I have been trained in Bystander Intervention.  I have created “Responsible drinking” campaigns.  I have served the underprivileged and disadvantaged. In a way, this work empowers me the way I wish I was empowered that night. 
The two titles that are clear, concise statements reflect the solutions that have worked for me on my healing journey.  Both very personal, yet applicable to the situation in general.  If more people understood and embraced their sexual development, perhaps we would have a cultural norm that respected sex and physical intimacy between people.  If more people knew how to intervene, perhaps perpetrators’ friends would stop them.  After all, peer pressure goes a long way.  Finally, if we responsibly partied, maybe a lot of this would be preventable.
Ultimately, I don’t know the one right way for all people to respond should they find themselves victims and survivors of sexual assault.  There are so many ways.  I suppose my one piece of advice (among many throughout the blogs) is to talk to a professional as soon as possible who will help you understand your rights, who has only your best interest at heart.  Most major cities and universities have a sexual assault response center and/or women’s center with staff trained specially in this area.  Ask for help. 
As my time writing for the Leila Grace Foundation blog comes to a close, I hope a tiny morsel of information has helped you.  At the very least, I hope it has increased your awareness of a personal, real-life story of friend rape.  This monthly reflection has been invaluable for my own healing journey.   Thank you for reading and please let me know how I might help you on your journey.