New School Year, New Freshmen -Ashley Bradley University Blogger-

It’s a new school year, so of course new freshmen are arriving on campus. On move-in day, students arrive by the masses on campus. My school has a block party sponsored by the sororities and fraternities on campus, welcoming the fresh blood and old beef back to campus. They reel you in with free food and other goodies, but the guys especially seek out freshmen girls to invite to the first parties of the semester aka the same night. For most freshmen, this is their first time being away from home, their first chance at freedom. This is the night that many fresh bloods go out and drink a nice amount of alcohol for the first time in this type of setting (the frat party). This is a night where many new students may feel the pressure to drink. Unfortunately, because of this fact, many students do not really know their limit, the extent of their tolerance.

            

    Not only are freshmen at risk of alcohol poisoning, they are also at risk of being taken advantage of by upperclassmen. During my freshmen year, around 15 people (mainly freshmen) were taken to the hospital the first night of parties due to alcohol. Who knows how many people, mainly females, could have been assaulted in some way that night as well. As much as we all would just like to believe that all of the frat guys simply want to throw a party and serve free alcohol to beautiful girls, we know that this is not the case for at least some of the guys out there.

If you’re a freshman, and you happen to come across the blog, please be careful on those first few nights of college. Don’t let go of yourself to follow the crowd. Fight the pressure. It’s easy to listen to everyone else when you barely know anyone on campus, but sometimes you have to listen to your gut instinct. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go out to frat parties (they can be fun at times), but I hope that you’ll all be observant and look out for yourself and use the buddy system. There truly is safety in numbers.

The Light at the End of a Tunnel-Courtney Blogger-

This past week, Governor Pat Quinn established a new law to support sexual assault victims and prevent violence against women from occurring.  As of January 2013, rape crisis centers throughout Illinois will receive funds from a tax placed on strip clubs, due to Pat Quinn’s signing of House Bill 1645.  A few months ago, I received an email from my supervisor asking for my help to pass this law.  Not realizing the potential gratitude of this bill, I did as my supervisor told, and honestly did not think much of it after.  Now that this bill has passed, I realize how it much power it holds for survivors, rape crisis centers and all women of Illinois.
Lt. Governor Simon was quoted saying, “This new revenue stream will help offset cuts that threatened critical services. When a sexual assault victim goes to a police station or a survivor calls a hotline, we need trained staff ready to respond. This bill helps to keep lights on and doors open, jobs filled and responders trained” (ENews Park Forest).  This statement hits close to home because I just completed an internship at a Rape Crisis Center just last week, and I understand the how necessary it is to have passionate, supportive counselors on staff and the financial means to train volunteers to assist with supporting survivors on the hotline, in hospitals and in police stations.
On one of my last days as an intern, my supervisor expressed how she wishes there were more hours in the day or more counselors in the office because every day our agency has more clients placed on the waiting list for counseling.  Perhaps this bill is just what rape crisis centers need to change the lives of even more survivors than anyone ever thought possible.  Perhaps this bill could be the light at the end of the tunnel.

Ashley Blogger from Bradley University -Taking a Stand

As many of you may or may not have heard, comedian Daniel Tosh made some rather unfunny comments about a female audience member at one of his shows. For those of you who may not have heard of this incident, I’ll give you a quick summary: Tosh made a rape joke, a woman in the audience “heckled” that “rape jokes are never funny” or something similar, and Tosh responded with a comment saying “wouldn’t it be funny if she got raped by like five guys right now…like right now?” or something of that nature. The woman and her friend left the comedy club shortly thereafter.

               

  People either bashed Tosh or defended him, usually based on whether they are a fan of him or not. People familiar with Tosh and have heard his jokes before know that he makes some of the most insensitive jokes out there. He’s a comedian after all, and no subject matter is really safe when it comes to him. So because he is known to make inappropriate jokes, he is being defended. Yeah, yeah, it was a joke, but his response to that woman was NOT funny. Most jokes that involve some type of injustice usually “attack” the oppressor and not the oppressed. Ultimately, Tosh definitely crossed the line.

               

  This incident leads to many questions concerning comedy, what is funny, and what is just cruel and crossing the line. Rape is a very sensitive subject, and personally, I don’t see it as something to joke about. It can happen to anyone, but more often than not, women are the victims. It is unlike most other crimes in that it leaves its victims emotionally and physically scarred for the rest of their lives. It’s not one of those things that you can just “get over” and laugh about later. Even as someone who has not experienced this myself, I have loved ones who have either been sexually assaulted or raped, and I don’t take it lightly when people make jokes about these situations, these crimes against humanity. So I commend that brave woman in the audience for speaking up that night in a comedy club that was most likely full of more males than females. I hope that this incident will encourage more people, women AND men alike, to stand up for victims and stop society from becoming so desensitized to such crimes. 

Who would you tell?- by Courtney

Day in and day out, I watch sexual assault survivors walk into our agency.  It is hard to miss the loneliness and fear hiding under their eyes but also the relief when they meet their counselor at the door – knowing support is there.      

                If you were a victim of sexual assault, whom would you disclose your experience to; your friend, the police, your sibling, a counselor, or perhaps no one at all?  While I feel like I am sure who I would turn to if ever in this situation, I was curious to learn more about whom college women majorly confide in after experiencing the painful and life-changing experience of sexual assault.  It is definitely a difficult situation to even imagine myself in, but it is also impossible not to wonder about as I watch those that lives been completely changed by sexual assault seek support from a counselor, who could be the only person they have disclosed to.

                To learn more about whom victims disclose their experience with, I turned to a study that examined 300+ undergraduate college women from the ‘Violence Against Women’ journal (To Whom Do College Women Confide Following Sexual Assault? A Prospective Study of Predictors of Sexual Assault Disclosure and Social Reactions, 2012).  According to the authors of this article, while rates of sexual assault are extremely high on college campuses, sexual assault remains the most underreported violent crime.  College women rarely report these crimes to police or campus officials, and they are more likely to disclose their experience with an ‘informal support provider,’ such as a friend.  Of all of the informal support providers (mother, siblings/other family members, female peers, male peers), female peers are overwhelmingly chosen as the informal support provider for sexual assault victims to disclose to.

                Prior to even reading this article, I would lump myself in the majority of women that would disclose to a female peer before disclosing to anyone else, even before my mother and my boyfriend. Parallel to this study and like a majority of college women, my peers are most likely to provide emotional support and a non-judgmental response if I would disclose to them.  While I feel extremely blessed to know that I have a support system that I would be able to disclose to, I know that this is not always the case.  However, while still a “formal” support provider, working with counselors that specialize in caring for sexual assault survivors has made me realize that counselors can be an essential support provider for survivors that perhaps have no one else to turn to.

Consent Matters by Juan Cordero Vasquez

The room was as dark as the night was. It reached about 100 degrees Fahrenheit but neither he nor she cared about how hot it was. Sweat dripping from their bodies, but none of them cared about how nasty the sweat was or how bad it smelled. Her parents have chosen to go out that night, and since she was their only child, now 16, she had no need of a babysitter. They have been dating for 2 months and this was going to be the exception of all the nights they wanted to strip each other’s clothes off and experience each other’s bodies, at least that’s what he had in mind. There have been so many instances in which he so desperately wanted to have sex with her. But why hasn’t he?

Every time he tried, she would smile, look at him and tell him she wasn’t prepared yet. She has come from a very traditional family and always held the value of marriage close to her heart. Nevertheless, she is human, and feels the temptations that change lives forever. She has never thought of having sex with him although she liked him for how much of a bad boy he looked like, how well-known he was around at the high school she attends and the straight-out-of-a-magazine car he drives. She had a future, and she knew it, what she didn’t know was how a 21 years-old man who hangs around the high school he graduated from, with the only purpose of taking young girls home to take their virginity away. He loved nothing more but his looks and has been experienced sexually since he was 12.She had fallen for him and it was getting harder and harder to keep his hands away from her body.

Although she was bottles of alcohol away from consciousness, he still noticed the confused, scared facial expressions he held at that moment. He didn’t care, nor asked. They have both been kissing for hours and although she felt she wanted him, her values were stronger than her lustful desires. Even after drinking more than enough to get an average drinker drunk. She was afraid she has given him the wrong impression but it has gotten too late. He held her with a strong grip close to his body and initiated the process she wish he never started. She felt scared and helpless and knew that at this point she could not do much but wait. How could she bare embarrassing herself like that in front of him? Although she had told him “no” so many times before, she felt guilty inside because she felt she had never considered his wants. But still, she feels pain. She desperately needed support at that moment. She didn’t feel comfortable, millions of thoughts running through her mind and anxiety building inside her chest.

After he was done, he got up, put his clothes on and left the room without saying a word.

She cried. She couldn’t tell what hurt more, the physical pain, or the emotional and psychological disturbance she was going through.

She never saw him again.

Consent is nothing more than clear communication between two individuals in order to understand unspoken intentions. Consent plays a major role in sex because it allows both parties to have a clear understanding of each other’s perspective before initiating any sexual activity.

In any relationship you have, make sure you have clear communication with your partner before diving into sex.

Ask. Never assume.

Text Control-The Hidden Agenda- Ashley Bradley University Blogger

With the changing of times and advancing of technology, it is now possible to keep in contact with our significant others more often than a decade ago, thanks to text messaging. Now we can send each other cute messages in the morning rather than calling and possibly waking the other from their beauty sleep. Texting has become very important to everyday life and crucial to relationships. If our boyfriends or girlfriends don’t reply to our texts, we begin to worry, especially if we have no idea where they are or what they are doing. Worrying is normal when you cannot get in contact with the person in any way, shape, or form. Today, some of us will worry or take it personal when it takes someone longer than 10 minutes to reply to a text. When this happens, some people will then send the message again or more messages asking where the person is…

 In a relationship, one might see their significant other texting them so often as a sign that this person really cares about them. This is “cute” at first, especially in new relationships, but it can take a scary turn quickly. Some of us might find ourselves in a situation where our boy(girl)friend asks us where we are every hour that we are not with them, who we are with, what we are doing. Multiple texts turn into constant phone calls and arguments. The thing about texts is that you can’t read someone’s emotions, unless they specifically state their current emotion. This could be a sign of someone who has jealousy or trust issues, but it could be the sign of someone who needs to be in control of another person. Many people do not realize it, but these are many times early indicators of abusive relationships. The arguments over ignored texts and missed phone calls turns into verbal abuse, and that is often followed by physical abuse when the controlling partner reaches their breaking point.

If you find yourself or even a friend complaining about a significant other’s obsessive texts and/or phone calls, take that as a sign to really look at the relationship. Sit down and have a serious talk to explain your feelings and see what the other’s intentions are by doing all of this. Remember, there is nothing wrong with having your own personal free time away from your significant other; you always need personal time, whether that’s time spent alone or with friends. If they can’t respect your personal time, you might have to cut them loose. It’s not always easy to see the signs, but now we know another way to protect ourselves and even our friends from getting caught in a dangerous situation.

How to Support a Friend- Courtney Indiana blogger

I have and will continue to devote my entire summer to interning at a local rape crisis center.  As an intern, I am responsible for entering survey data that is collected at local high schools that have been a part of our sexual assault prevention program during the past year.  As I was going through a pile of anonymous surveys from the high school I graduated from just four years ago, I could not help but wonder if any of these surveys were filled out by my neighbors, relatives or friend’s younger siblings.  Even more so, I imagined myself sitting in that classroom four years ago next to a student that may have circled “yes” when asked “have you ever been a victim of sexual assault?” without me ever knowing.

                When I was in high school, this program sadly did not exist.  However, going through the surveys from my high school made me wonder if I would have known how to support a friend that was sexually assaulted when I was that age and without the experience I have working in the field of sexual assault as I have today.  With that being said, I find it extremely important to share the most necessary components you must know if your friend discloses a sexual assault to you.  (For the purpose of this blog, I will use “her” when describing your friend; however I completely understand that men are also victims of sexual assault).

Feel extremely honored that your friend has disclosed to you.  With that said, keep whatever your friend discloses you between you and her.

               

Believe your friend. Don’t ever place blame on your friend or ask her any questions regarding her actions surrounding the assault.

Be sure to assure and remind your friend that is it not her fault.

Listen! Let your friend lead the conversation, and do not pry for information that your friend does not give you on her own. Maintain eye contact to show your friend that your attention is all hers.

Encourage your friend to seek medical attention and counseling, but make sure not to place pressure on your friend.  Sexual assault takes away a victim’s voice, so letting her make her own decisions is extremely important.  If your friend decides she does want counseling, call your local rape crisis hotline for counseling services within your area.

Try not to express your own feelings regarding your friend’s situation or sexual assault.

Be patient.  Healing from a sexual assault can be a very long process, and the process varies from person to person.  Reassure your friend that you are there for her through the entire healing process.

                Keep in mind that these are a few tips to turn to if a friend ever discloses a sexual assault to you, but remember that everyone’s reaction to sexual assault will vary.  If you feel that you need help being a helper, contact a 24/7 rape crisis hotline for more guidance and potential resources to help your friend in this traumatic time.  If you are not sure of a local hotline, you can call the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-HOPE for a national hotline.