Gender roles, sex, and love affect our views on sexual assault by Benedictine University blogger Karly Sacco

As time changes, the view that people have on what is a “normal” love relationship has altered from the old days. Man and Woman. That was the only possibility for a long time in order to be in love. Today, love is love. It shouldn’t matter if it is man with man or woman with woman but unfortunately it does. But with every relationship there are good and bad components no matter whom you are with, and that is unfortunate as well. Gender roles are issues that have been occurring for decades and with this idea become certain assumptions.

1.    

Males are the dominate ones in the relationships, so if someone is being sexually assaulted it is ALWAYS the mans fault, no matter what.


2. The woman is usually helpless when she is in a relationship with someone who is sexually assaulting her and she has no way out because of him being so powerful over her.


3. The relationship is complicated because he still “loves her” so its okay if her takes advantage.






There are other assumptions about gender roles if you look at it from a sexual assault point of view, but I feel like these three are the ones that most people think of when it comes to this topic. However no matter if you are gay, lesbian, straight, or something in between. There is always a way out, or a way to prevent getting sexually assaulted. Do not think that just because you are “in love” or when you make love then that makes it okay because they really do love you. If someone is hurting you, get out; it is not worth the hurt. There are ways to prevent or get help with the three above assumptions.






1. It is not ALWAYS the man’s fault; women can be just as capable of sexually assaulting as men. However, to prevent this issue, make sure that you commit your life to an individual that treats you with respect and does not believe in dominance. If you see any sign of your significant other acting that way, get help! Talk to someone, to HIM OR HER about it. Chances are you can prevent the issue before it gets worse.


2. You are never helpless. A lot like number one, there is a way out. Prevent the issue before it gets worse with support from others.


3. Sometimes people can be trapped in a relationship because of the aspect of loving one another, but you have to come to face reality and realize if that other person really loved you they wouldn’t be sexually assaulting you.








The ideas that society has about these topics really affect our views on sexual assault. However it is up to you to be strong and see that there’s is always a place to get help or to talk to someone, if you are ever in a hard situation with your significant other just remember you are not alone.

Consent: Clearing Up the Grey by Katiera Sordjan

     One of the most important things we can do to combat sexual assault on college campuses is to educate students on the importance of consent. This is crucial regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, or the nature of the relationship between the individuals. Understanding what consent is, giving and receiving it throughout sex is crucial to ensuring that students are safe and respected.

     Our concept of rape and sexual assault is often very concrete and stereotypical; a person is physically overpowered or otherwise forced into intercourse or other sexual acts by someone else. However, many times this is not the case, and leaves victims feeling violated but not sure that they would describe the encounter as assault. These 'grey areas' are very problematic in confronting the issue of sexual assault and even more difficult to process legally.

     Consenting to sexual activity is more than just a person saying yes before sex begins. A couple or group should communicate both before and during sex about their sexual desires and wants. Consent means that a person willingly agrees to have sex. They may consent to some sexual activities and not others. Talking with each other ensures everyone is comfortable and enjoying being intimate.

     It is important to remember that not saying 'no' doesn't automatically mean a yes to any sexual activity. Pressuring or coercing someone to have sex is sexual assault. A person has the right to change their mind at any time during sex about what they want to do with their partners. If a person is intoxicated they cannot consent. Taking advantage of someone under the influence is rape.

     When having sex you should never make any assumptions, insinuations, or be vague with your partner. Even if you are in a serious relationship with your partner or have had consensual sex with them before, consent is still needed from both of you every time you have sex. Do not assume that doing one activity is permission for another. Never make inferences about someone's desire to have sex based on factors such as their gender, sexual orientation, clothing, or past sexual history. Similarly, you cannot use your own sexual and personal identity as a substitute for consent. None of these things are consent; a clear and enthusiastic 'yes' is.

     Talking about sex may seem awkward and interruptive, ruining the mood of being intimate. But having conversation before sex will make things run much smoother and be clear for everyone. During sex, partners should simply check for feedback from each other. Pay attention to words and body language, and incorporate it into your sex play by telling them what you would like to do with them next. If your partner seems hesitant it is important to ask them if it is okay to continue, plainly and nonagressively. Likewise, your partner should be paying attention to you to make sure you are engaged and comfortable during any sexual activities you do together. Using 'safe words' can be helpful in BDSM sex and roleplays. If either person is hesitant or does not continue giving consent it is important to stop having sex and talk about what each of you wants to do. Good lovers listen to their partners and are in tune with their needs. 

     Sex should be fun, and an exciting way to be intimate with someone. It is a significant and memorable part of college life for many students. It should be free of pressure, discomfort, and constraining societal expectations. Consensual sex is not about power, but giving and receiving pleasure. Everyone should be able to explore their sexuality with others in a way that is enjoyable for them, without being harmed or taken advantage of. 

Gender Roles and Expectations in Relationships by Bradley University blogger Ashley

In a stereotypical, heterosexual relationship, we expect women to be submissive and men to be dominant, plain and simple. Some men cringe when their girlfriend tries to take control in certain situations because “that’s not her job,” and some try to put these women “back in their place” by whatever means they see acceptable. Some women judge other women for “not listening to their man”, and some believe that their main responsibility in life is to serve their boyfriend/husband.

Truth is, men and women are not simply black and white, just as relationships (and the expectations within said relationships) are not that way. We all know that heterosexual couples are not the only relationships that exist, so we shouldn’t compare any other couples with heteronormality in mind (i.e., she’s the “man” of the relationship). Bearing this in mind, how dominant or submissive a person is in a relationship depends on their personality. Someone should not feel the need to change who they are to fit into a certain role in a relationship, based on socially constructed gender roles.

Due to these constructed gender roles and expectations, unfortunately, sexual assault and abuse within relationships become acceptable. In heterosexual relationships, many women continue to blame themselves and feel guilt for not meeting the needs of their boyfriend/husband. So if their significant other decides to assault them in some form, these women feel as if they deserve it. In any relationship, partners may feel the duty to meet all needs/wants of their significant other. This belief can lead to manipulation and ultimately doing something undesirable. Just because you’re in a relationship and have had sex with your partner in the past does not automatically make sex an expectation every time it is desired on one end- you have the right to say “no” in a relationship. If your significant other proceeds to push you into having intercourse, it is time to reevaluate the relationship. Sexual assault happens within relationships, but too often survivors are afraid to speak up because sexual acts are expected in a relationship.

The way I see it, unless expectations are specifically discussed between partners, don’t expect anything. If it hasn’t been discussed, ask first. It never hurts to ask your partner if x, y, or z is acceptable in a relationship because them saying “yes” or “no” helps you avoid possible “miscommunications.” Depending on how long you’ve been with your partner, you may not know all that has occurred in their past. Don’t assume that you can automatically touch them in certain ways simply because your last partner enjoyed this action- everyone is different. Your love for your partner truly shows when you respect their boundaries and ask when in doubt. 

Do colleges need to teach a class on gender roles on co-ed campuses? by Southern New Hampshire University blogger Veronica

A college student can be aware of their environment when there is a significant attention towards the subjects of sex and gender roles. In fact, there are many conflicts dealing with the issues of sex and gender equality in classes from kindergarten all the way up to college aged students. In many subjects dealing with this hot issue, there is the issue of whether gender roles should be debated or discussed in classrooms, especially in college. In this state that we are today, females are being taught equally about their majors but lack the respect needed. With modern technology causing uproar in the media with sex texting and online pornography, there is no doubt that many females feel violated. Nevertheless, there are stalkers and peeping toms everywhere. Making it easy for male students to take advantage of the situation and perform sexual assaults or acts. Not all male students do these acts and only a few have been reported. Since many colleges are co-ed, there needs to be more of a learning environment where students and teachers can discuss over the power of sex and relationships and barge down on the negativity. It is important for female students and male students to better their relationship goals and their needs to defend themselves when they need to. It is likely that there will be newer rules on campuses and the expressions on the differences and similarities between male and female. In the end, there are many college campuses that are practicing the use of co-ed bathrooms. Co-ed bathrooms? Only today can this happen.

Rape culture versus Athlete Entitlement in rape cases by blogger Veronica

Although there appears a decline in well profiled rape cases on college campuses, there is still a lack of justice for those female students who fall prey to athletes who are labeled “special” for their athletic backgrounds and popularity in little known sexual assaults? It almost recognizes those victims as non-victims and females considered the enticers rather than the helpless victim, which is sad because many women are drugged and belittled into having sexual intercourse with those athletes. It may be possible that athletes are entitled to act or behave that way because they are given everything to them on a plate and have been forgiven for every bad grade or loud party they thrown at their parent’s house. If every victim were given the same amounts of treatment as their aggressors, then there will be less crime and more awareness of the cause to prevent rape or sexual attacks. In fact, more and more young women are even relying on security or escorts and hanging out in groups when they attend class in the evening. Nevertheless, It is great that most of these female students admirably choose their first college pick because of the schools surroundings and safety. It is a wise choice since nowadays crimes are happening everyday and with the lack of punishment over athletes that carry on these heinous crimes, there will continue on being a lack of justice and shame for the victims involved.

Athletes and Rape Culture
    by Jade  

Athletes on all levels are praised members of the community.  The provide entertainment to the general public, and instill pride into the fans of the teams they play on.  On college campuses, student athletes are sometimes revered as celebrities.  These celebrities are accessible: there in the classes you attend, you might see them at the cafeteria, or a friend’s party. 

What happens when one of these “local celebrities” are accused of rape?  When someone of public stature is involved with the areas of consensual sex and rape seem to grey.  Statements of “she wanted him”, and “she shouldn’t of drank that much”; statements that are all too familiar in rape culture seem to pop up all over social media when an athlete is accused. The bottom line is: No means no, it doesn’t matter if you are a person of social standing or not.  The same rules apply.

It is clear to see why more women do not come forward.  Being publicly ridiculed and having parts of your personal life blasted in the media does not seem like an easy thing to cope with.  To them it may seem easier to not acknowledge what happened.  It seems odd that in a country where the actuality of a woman president is looming in the near future, we are still fighting to be taking seriously.  To have our voices heard.  

 The headlines are bringing more and more of these cases to the public.  Maybe this can be a wakeup call to universities; a spring board to implement rape awareness as part of the student body curriculum.   Also it could support those who are too afraid to come forward.  

Football and Assault: How Male Athletic Entitlement Contributes to Rape Culture by Katiera Sordjan

     People have long marveled at the physical prowess and potential of the human body. 

Athleticism has played a powerful role in society. On college campuses, sports are also heavily ingrained. Many students are able to receive scholarships to go to college because of their hard work and athletic talents exhibited in high school. In turn, these schools can raise funds through their sports events. Most notable are the football teams, which attract many students, both as spectators and participants. The sport represents what many Americans feel to be one of the great pastimes of the country. A look at the enormous revenue generated during Super Bowl weekend can attest to that.

     I recall somewhat bitterly the affairs of my high school football team. At pep rallies, other teams were given brief recognition, while each football player got an individual mini-biography. Lawnmowers and landscapers painstakingly poured over the football field every day, while students indoors didn't even have proper desks or textbooks at times.

Even in college, I must remember that the distinguished title of Ivy League was not originally used to describe my school’s academics, but its elite sports status. 

     This special treatment can lead these athletes (who are virtually all male, in the case of football) to feel a sense of entitlement over their peers. Football is also a contact sport, and one could argue that players are encouraged to be combative and aggressive, as well as pressured by their coaches, peers, and families to succeed. It should come as no surprise that this behavior extends outside the field.

     I knew a few players who consistently expected to be allowed to bend the rules. They refused to even attempt homework on days when they had games, and demanded their teachers move test and homework dates or let them skip the work altogether. They were aware of the prestigious place they held in our high school, which was often valued more than academic success itself, and used it to their advantage.

     The Steubenville rape case is a prime example of the learned sense of entitlement of male athletes, as well as the sympathy they receive from others. The football players had no issue with being aggressors and taking what they wanted from an incapacitated girl. Respectable media outlets such as CNN lamented over the fact that Mays and Richmond had ruined their shot at an athletic career, instead of illustrating them as what they are: rapists. The victim was not only repeatedly assaulted, but was publicly humiliated and shamed instead of being defended. Why does the presence of alcohol make the victim blameworthy for the crime, but the athletic status of her attackers is an excuse?

     Malcolm Gladwell, The New Yorker writer and bestselling author, shocked Penn students when he gave a speech at our school suggesting football be eliminated completely. He claimed that the school puts students at risk for a dangerous condition known as CTE, which can lead to depression and suicidality from repeated traumatic brain injury, merely for the sake of entertainment and financial gain. Many, especially the football players, were offended by this notion. 

     Many Americans are obsessed with their sports, and are willing to put their children at risk for the sake of fame and money. Parents push their kids into athletics at a very young age in the hopes that they will be successful, but very few will go pro. Even if we are unwilling to give up our more dangerous sports, like football, we must not teach the young people who play them that their actions are without consequence. 

    Individualism has a cost; it leads us to glorify students like Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond for their physical control and simultaneously shun their victim for lacking it. While the boys received sympathy for being young athletic stars who simply did not know any better (“boys will be boys”), the similarly young girl was expected to be responsible. Underage drinking is illegal, but it does not excuse a violent crime. Of course, many athletes and men are good students and upstanding members of society. But teaching and reinforcing hyper-masculinity and blamelessness contributes to a victim-blaming rape culture that robs survivors of their dignity well after their attack.