I have and will continue to devote my entire summer to
interning at a local rape crisis center.
As an intern, I am responsible for entering survey data that is
collected at local high schools that have been a part of our sexual assault
prevention program during the past year.
As I was going through a pile of anonymous surveys from the high school
I graduated from just four years ago, I could not help but wonder if any of
these surveys were filled out by my neighbors, relatives or friend’s younger
siblings. Even more so, I imagined
myself sitting in that classroom four years ago next to a student that may have
circled “yes” when asked “have you ever been a victim of sexual assault?”
without me ever knowing.
When I
was in high school, this program sadly did not exist. However, going through the surveys from my
high school made me wonder if I would have known how to support a friend that
was sexually assaulted when I was that age and without the experience I have
working in the field of sexual assault as I have today. With that being said, I find it extremely
important to share the most necessary components you must know if your friend
discloses a sexual assault to you. (For
the purpose of this blog, I will use “her” when describing your friend; however
I completely understand that men are also victims of sexual assault).
Feel extremely
honored that your friend has disclosed to you.
With that said, keep whatever your friend discloses you between you and
her.
Believe your friend.
Don’t ever place blame on your friend or ask her any questions regarding her
actions surrounding the assault.
Be sure to assure and
remind your friend that is it not her fault.
Listen! Let your
friend lead the conversation, and do not pry for information that your friend
does not give you on her own. Maintain eye contact to show your friend that
your attention is all hers.
Encourage your friend
to seek medical attention and counseling, but make sure not to place pressure
on your friend. Sexual assault takes
away a victim’s voice, so letting her make her own decisions is extremely
important. If your friend decides she
does want counseling, call your local rape crisis hotline for counseling
services within your area.
Try not to express
your own feelings regarding your friend’s situation or sexual assault.
Be patient. Healing from a sexual assault can be a very
long process, and the process varies from person to person. Reassure your friend that you are there for
her through the entire healing process.
Keep in
mind that these are a few tips to turn to if a friend ever discloses a sexual
assault to you, but remember that everyone’s reaction to sexual assault will
vary. If you feel that you need help
being a helper, contact a 24/7 rape crisis hotline for more guidance and
potential resources to help your friend in this traumatic time. If you are not sure of a local hotline, you
can call the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-HOPE
for a national hotline.
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