Gender Roles and Expectations in Relationships by Bradley University blogger Ashley

In a stereotypical, heterosexual relationship, we expect women to be submissive and men to be dominant, plain and simple. Some men cringe when their girlfriend tries to take control in certain situations because “that’s not her job,” and some try to put these women “back in their place” by whatever means they see acceptable. Some women judge other women for “not listening to their man”, and some believe that their main responsibility in life is to serve their boyfriend/husband.

Truth is, men and women are not simply black and white, just as relationships (and the expectations within said relationships) are not that way. We all know that heterosexual couples are not the only relationships that exist, so we shouldn’t compare any other couples with heteronormality in mind (i.e., she’s the “man” of the relationship). Bearing this in mind, how dominant or submissive a person is in a relationship depends on their personality. Someone should not feel the need to change who they are to fit into a certain role in a relationship, based on socially constructed gender roles.

Due to these constructed gender roles and expectations, unfortunately, sexual assault and abuse within relationships become acceptable. In heterosexual relationships, many women continue to blame themselves and feel guilt for not meeting the needs of their boyfriend/husband. So if their significant other decides to assault them in some form, these women feel as if they deserve it. In any relationship, partners may feel the duty to meet all needs/wants of their significant other. This belief can lead to manipulation and ultimately doing something undesirable. Just because you’re in a relationship and have had sex with your partner in the past does not automatically make sex an expectation every time it is desired on one end- you have the right to say “no” in a relationship. If your significant other proceeds to push you into having intercourse, it is time to reevaluate the relationship. Sexual assault happens within relationships, but too often survivors are afraid to speak up because sexual acts are expected in a relationship.

The way I see it, unless expectations are specifically discussed between partners, don’t expect anything. If it hasn’t been discussed, ask first. It never hurts to ask your partner if x, y, or z is acceptable in a relationship because them saying “yes” or “no” helps you avoid possible “miscommunications.” Depending on how long you’ve been with your partner, you may not know all that has occurred in their past. Don’t assume that you can automatically touch them in certain ways simply because your last partner enjoyed this action- everyone is different. Your love for your partner truly shows when you respect their boundaries and ask when in doubt.