Consent: Clearing Up the Grey by Katiera Sordjan

     One of the most important things we can do to combat sexual assault on college campuses is to educate students on the importance of consent. This is crucial regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, or the nature of the relationship between the individuals. Understanding what consent is, giving and receiving it throughout sex is crucial to ensuring that students are safe and respected.

     Our concept of rape and sexual assault is often very concrete and stereotypical; a person is physically overpowered or otherwise forced into intercourse or other sexual acts by someone else. However, many times this is not the case, and leaves victims feeling violated but not sure that they would describe the encounter as assault. These 'grey areas' are very problematic in confronting the issue of sexual assault and even more difficult to process legally.

     Consenting to sexual activity is more than just a person saying yes before sex begins. A couple or group should communicate both before and during sex about their sexual desires and wants. Consent means that a person willingly agrees to have sex. They may consent to some sexual activities and not others. Talking with each other ensures everyone is comfortable and enjoying being intimate.

     It is important to remember that not saying 'no' doesn't automatically mean a yes to any sexual activity. Pressuring or coercing someone to have sex is sexual assault. A person has the right to change their mind at any time during sex about what they want to do with their partners. If a person is intoxicated they cannot consent. Taking advantage of someone under the influence is rape.

     When having sex you should never make any assumptions, insinuations, or be vague with your partner. Even if you are in a serious relationship with your partner or have had consensual sex with them before, consent is still needed from both of you every time you have sex. Do not assume that doing one activity is permission for another. Never make inferences about someone's desire to have sex based on factors such as their gender, sexual orientation, clothing, or past sexual history. Similarly, you cannot use your own sexual and personal identity as a substitute for consent. None of these things are consent; a clear and enthusiastic 'yes' is.

     Talking about sex may seem awkward and interruptive, ruining the mood of being intimate. But having conversation before sex will make things run much smoother and be clear for everyone. During sex, partners should simply check for feedback from each other. Pay attention to words and body language, and incorporate it into your sex play by telling them what you would like to do with them next. If your partner seems hesitant it is important to ask them if it is okay to continue, plainly and nonagressively. Likewise, your partner should be paying attention to you to make sure you are engaged and comfortable during any sexual activities you do together. Using 'safe words' can be helpful in BDSM sex and roleplays. If either person is hesitant or does not continue giving consent it is important to stop having sex and talk about what each of you wants to do. Good lovers listen to their partners and are in tune with their needs. 

     Sex should be fun, and an exciting way to be intimate with someone. It is a significant and memorable part of college life for many students. It should be free of pressure, discomfort, and constraining societal expectations. Consensual sex is not about power, but giving and receiving pleasure. Everyone should be able to explore their sexuality with others in a way that is enjoyable for them, without being harmed or taken advantage of.