Consent is Fundamental by Pitzer College blogger Allisyn

“Want to know what I learned yesterday, Sissy?” My little brother sipped his chocolate milk in the backseat as I drove him to daycare in the morning. I expected him to spell a word that’s hard to pronounce, or tell me a fun fact about an exotic zoo animal. At six years old, everything learned is exciting and new.

“I learned,” he continued, “that when you’re doing something with someone else, like if you’re playing a game and you want to change the rules or something, you ask if it’s okay first.” He’d never mentioned something he learned at school that was that methodical or broad before, so I asked him what he meant.

“If you want to do something or say something that someone else isn’t expecting, you ask first,” he explained, “and if someone asks if I want to do something and I don’t want to, I can say no if I want to.” He sounded so matter-of-fact, like he fully understood it and it was engraved in his brain forever.

Was my baby brother really being taught the concept of consent in his kindergarten class?

“Is this just when you’re talking to girls, or when you talk to anyone?” I asked, attempting to pinpoint the real point of the lesson. He scrunched his eyebrows at me, like I was saying nonsense.

“No, Sissy. You have to be nice to EVERYONE, not just girls. Jeez.” Pointing out my obvious ignorance, he sipped his milk and looked out the window.

It was then I realized, it’s really that easy. It’s that simple for children to understand. Parents don’t have to sit down and have a birds and the bees talk with children when they’re six years old to get them to understand consent. If they learn early on that doing something without checking in with those around you first, as they mature, that will translate into useful skills in communication and consent. Truly, there is no excuse for not instilling in children that communication in any situation is mandatory. They need not understand sex to understand that not only asking if something is okay is important, but that it’s okay to decline something if they feel uncomfortable with it.

At six years old, their friends will still like them if they choose sit out of a game at recess and watch instead. Fast forward fifteen years, and their sexual partners will still appreciate them if they don’t want to proceed forward physically. It’s that fundamental. Let’s shape a future of more conscientious, communicative young adults that are confident enough both to ask for permission and decline permission.