Will It Ever Stop?

I talked about Bystander Intervention last month.  This month, Penn State explodes.  I am sickened by the tragedy inflicted on the young boys, families, athletes, and community because 1 man was not stopped despite reports of more than 1 person suspecting him.  We see this over and over.  Jacey Dugard.  Elizabeth Smart.  The Catholic Church.  In one minute, I just counted 16 people who have shared about their experience with sexual assault after hearing about mine.  Will it ever stop? 

There are times when I am particularly disheartened, discouraged, and feel great sadness and despair because I just don’t know if the epidemic of sexual assault will ever decrease, let alone end.  The week the Penn State tragedy hit the news, I found myself slipping into one of those hopeless spaces.  I ask all the same questions- Why?  How could this happen?  What were they thinking?  I am easily distracted and my energy is lower.  I am also easily irritated and have low tolerance for any form of disrespect and injustice.  I find myself wanting information and seeking out articles beyond what the popular media covers. 

There have been times in the past when these thoughts, feelings, and behaviors were so overwhelming that they did interfere with my daily functioning.  I wouldn’t want to get out of bed and I wondered what the point of life is.  I wished I could be one of those people who just doesn’t care about anything except shopping, lunching, and getting my nails done.  Now, I recognize the signs more readily.  Instead of bracing myself for a long battle with my despair, I try to give it a voice, a space to express itself.  I remind myself that it is o.k. to be angry, sad, in despair, hopeless, irritated.  These feelings validate the tragedy.

This month, I also took it one step further.  I decided to connect with articles or resources showcasing advocacy, prevention and intervention work, and social justice. 

Here is what I found when I Googled “Sexual Assault Prevention”:

1.      United States Department of Defense, Sexual Assault Prevention and Response (and each military branch has their own version), http://www.sapr.mil/index.php/saam

2.      RAINN, The nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, http://www.rainn.org/get-information/sexual-assault-prevention

3.      Stop It Now! Together we can prevent the sexual abuse of children, http://www.stopitnow.org/

4.      Sexual Assault Prevention Program in Athens County, Ohio, http://saprevention.org/

5.      National Sexual Violence Resource Center, http://www.nsvrc.org/

Here is what I found when I Googled “Datiing Violence Prevention”:

6.      Dating Violence Prevention Center, http://www.datingviolence.org/

7.      Center for Disease Control & Prevention, Violence Prevention, http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/ and Choose Respect, http://www.cdc.gov/chooserespect/

8.      Liz Claiborne’s Love is Not Abuse, http://loveisnotabuse.com/web/guest/home

9.      The National Resource Center for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, http://www.teendvmonth.org/

10.  Love is Respect, http://www.loveisrespect.org/

11.  American Bar Association, National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative, http://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_education/initiatives_awards/national_teen_dating_violence_prevention_initiative.html

12.  Veto Violence, http://www.vetoviolence.org/index.html

There are so many more that come up on Google for each of these.  Then I began thinking about the programs with which I am associated, of which many are included in past blogs.

13.  Leila Grace Foundation, http://www.leilagrace.org/

14.  The Red Flag Campaign, http://www.theredflagcampaign.org/

15.  HEART- Help End Abusive Relationships Today by Dr. Danica Hays and Becky Michel

16.  Bystander Intervention, Dr. Alan Berkowitz, http://www.alanberkowitz.com/index.php

17.  VDAY, (Vagina Monologues), http://www.vday.org/about/more-about

18.  Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, (I visited this summer for a class), http://www.drcc.ie/

In 20 minutes, I found 18 tremendous resources capturing thousands of people’s dedication to preventing sexual violence.  I guess what I am trying to say is give yourself a moment to feel despair by supporting yourself through it.  You might need and/or want to see a counselor or therapist during these times.  You might simply remind yourself of all the amazing ways people are healing the world by doing a Google search.  There is not one “right” way to cope with these feelings.  The only “wrong” way is by not surrounding yourself with the support you need to move through it.  Taking care of yourself is the most important part of the healing process.