Broken trusts and broken hearts -by blogger Snehal

While flipping through the pages of a  book my eyes glued to one statement  that read , "I dont hate you. I'm just disappointed you turned into everything you said you would never be". This line might seem an ordinary one but when you excavate deep into the meanings you realize it portrays the pain, betrayal, bleeds and despair of a broken heart. Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair. In cases of Acquaintance rape and Date rape the trust factor loses its value forever.

In both the cases the perpetrator is not a complete stranger to the survivor and this is the probable reason why most of the rape survivors find it extremely difficult to even identify the horrific experience that they had to go through. The proximity of the relationship also plays a key role as closer the relationship with the perpetrator the greater is the survivor's shock. Self- blame is yet another recurring response from the survivors leading into non-disclosure of the incident. If this is struggle is not enough, the survivors have to deal with physical, emotional and psycological burdens of betrayal and fear of the encountering their perpetrator in future.Most of the victims find this betrayal of trust hard to believe and end up mistrusting others in life.

 No one deserves to be raped. If a guy is spending on a gift or an expensive dinner for a woman, it does not mean she is under an implied obligation to payback to him by having sex. A woman's dress is not her consent to have sex. Likewise it is difficult to understand who the rapists are. Rapists do not come with a chit (bearing their intention to rape) on their respective foreheads. The responsibility of both the men and the women is Prevention. Stigmatizing the victims is the readily available defence for the rapists. Detecting a person who will rape is difficult. A few charactersticscs can be a sign of trouble. Emotional intimidation through belittling comments, sulking, projecting coercive tendencies, inability to handle sexual and emotional frustration, physical intimidation by blocking doorway or physical startling, extreme drinking can serve as a warning. Awareness is the key and can accelerate quick decision making during problematic situations.

I shall conclude my article with a beautiful quote by George Macdonald that states "To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved". This is universally applicable to both men and women.

Update on No Grey Area by blogger Joyce

Not too long ago, I wrote about my disgust with the release of Fifty Shades of Grey in theaters. In the original blog post, I wrote:



Who knows? This may contribute to more rape and sexual assaults all across the board.

This public broadcasting may also encourage people to not listen to “NO” and to think that the

other person secretly wants rough and forced sex.



Tonight, I found out on the news that a 19-year old student raped another student at the University of Illinois at Chicago. He bondaged her and raped her despite her yelling no. After he was arrested, he told police that he was acting out scenes from the movie. I have so many questions. Did the movie truly influence him to do this terrible act, or did he use it as his scapegoat? Where was the RA (resident advisor)? WGN News said that at one point of the rape, the roommate tried to come into the room, but wasn’t let in. Didn’t people hear her screams? I don’t know what the protocol is at the UIC campus, but usually there is at least one RA “on call” who is physically present at the dormitory occasionally walking the halls to look for any suspicious behavior. The students’ residents association needs to investigate this incident and possibly improve their vigilance practices.

Comunicación Buena No Tiene Nada Que Ver Con La Distancia por el blogger Emily

Estoy en una relación de larga distancia. Mi novio es miembro de la infantería de marina y se movió el Octubre pasado. Obviamente, esta situación no es ideal. Le echo de menos muchísimo. A causa de la naturaleza de su trabajo, él puede estar sin habilidad de comunicarse para cuatro días o más. Vivo en la costa oeste, y él vive en la costa este y a veces el cambio de tiempo de tres horas siente como una diferencia de años. La distancia y el cambio de tiempo a veces amplifican cualquiera frustración que sienta con él o con la relación. Y a veces me dejo de comunicar.




Hay diferencia entre llamando y enviando mensajes todo el día y comunicando. Descubierto que no quiero hablar de sujetos negativos porque solo tengo una oportunidad pequeña en que puedo hablar con mi novio. Por eso, a veces cuando le estoy hablando por teléfono, no le estoy comunicando con él.




Nunca hemos tenido dificultad comunicando cuando vivíamos juntos, pero la relación de larga distancia significa que tuvimos cambiar nuestras maneras de comunicación. Y se han mejorado.




Al principio, se me di cuenta de que tenía más frustraciones con la situación en vez de con mi novio. Le extrañaba, pero al mismo tiempo, no quería que él sintiera culpable para su trabajo y decisiones. Tenía tanto orgullo y sentía egoísta por mis lágrimas y la cantidad de helado que había comido. Me guardaba todos mis sentimientos en mi corazón durante la primera mes. Pero, este significa que pude explotar en segundos.




Exploté. Le llameé y lloré, lloré y lloré. Entonces, él me dijo algo muy importante que cambió nuestra comunicación. Me dijo que sobre todo, quería saber mis sentimientos y esperaba que quisiera saber sus sentimientos también.




Obvio, ¿verdad? Pero, lo tuve que oír.




Tengo interés en el grano en su cara porque tengo interés en él. A mi me importa que él comió para su cena porque a mi me importa que él este contento.




Si una relación falte este nivel de cariño, los dos tienen que reevaluar sus motivos para quedarse en la relación.




Es natural que novios tienen problemas de comunicarse, pero cuando este ocurre, es necesario que novios se den cuenta de estas problemas para arreglarlas inmediatamente.




La comunicación buena no tiene nada que ver con la distancia. Tiene que ver con el esfuerzo y cariño que cada lado de la relación tiene.

No Grey Area in Consent: by blogger Joyce

Lately we are seeing more commercials for the premiere of the movie of Fifty Shades of Grey. I have never read the book, nor have the desire to read it or watch it on the big screen. Although I know the adage “don’t judge a book by its cover”, from what I’ve heard and read about the book, I do not understand how consensual abuse is sexy. The previews show the female putting her wrists together so that the male lover can put her under bondage. I’ve seen so many reviews that the book is sensual, erotic, and exhilarating, but how is being spanked something to be envied and coveted? I just cannot wrap my head around this one.



It is one thing for there to be adult trash novels and pornography; it is another thing when the X-rated or R-rated movie versions show their previews on public access channels that our kids can see. They will become curious and learn that it is mainstream and totally acceptable behavior. Who knows? This may contribute to more rape and sexual assaults all across the board. This public broadcasting may also encourage people to not listen to “NO” and to think that the other person secretly wants rough and forced sex.



I am generally appalled by any scary, sexually-charged or violent previews or commercials on TV…which leads me wondering why every TV program must show its rating, but commercials are excused from this requirement. Damage can be done in thirty seconds, or even less.

Good Communication Knows No Bounds by blogger Emily

I’m in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is a Marine and he moved away this past October. To state the obvious: this sucks. I miss him. Due to the nature of his work, he may be gone for four consecutive days incommunicado. I live on the west coast, he lives on the east coast, and sometimes the three-hour time difference feels like years. The distance and the time change often exacerbate any frustration I have with him or with our relationship. When this happens, I stop communicating.




There is a difference between texting and calling someone constantly and communicating. I’ve found that I’m leery of tainting the precious time when we can talk by venting my frustrations to him. So even if I am on the phone with him, I’m often not communicating with him.




We never had trouble communicating when we lived together, but the long distance relationship meant that we had to adjust our methods of communication. Through time, I’ve become better and he has too.




Initially, I found that I was more frustrated with the situation than with him. I missed his presence, but at the same time, I didn’t want to make him feel bad or guilty for having to move away. I was proud of what he was doing and felt selfish for crying at night and sometimes eating ice cream straight out of the container while nestled up on my couch. I internalized all of my feelings for the first month of our long distance stint. This made matters worse. I was like a ticking emotional time bomb capable of combusting at a moment’s notice.




I combusted. I called my boyfriend late at night and sobbed. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Then he said something to me that revolutionized our communication. He told me that above all, he wanted to know how I was feeling and he hoped that I wanted to know the same about him.




This seems obvious, but I needed to hear it.




I care about the zit on his face that’s bothering him because I care about him. I care about how his dinner tasted because I care about him.




If this level of care is lacking in the relationship, both parties need to reassess their motives for staying in the relationship.



It’s natural for communication to not always be flawless, but when this happens, it is necessary for couples to acknowledge this and fix it, so it doesn’t smolder and eventually hurt somebody.




Good communication doesn’t depend on distance; it depends on the levels of effort and care that each member of a relationship exerts.

The Prevalence of Sexual Assault in the Developing World by blogger Ryan Flynn

47% of Peruvian women have been victims of attempted or completed sexual assault according to Gary Haugen, founder of International Justice Mission. According to the CDC, in the United States, 18.3% of women have been victims of attempted or completed sexual assault. While neither number is good at all, why is Peru's percentage two and a half times as high as the U.S.'s?

The difference comes down to two major things: differences in GDP per capita and the prevalence of violence in developing countries like Peru. The GDP per capita in Peru was $6,659.81 USD in 2013, whereas the U.S.'s GDP per capita in 2013 was $53,142.89. Now this may not seem like a big deal; I mean it's only money, right? 

The problem here is that in many developing countries, Peru one of them, services such as lawyers and justice systems can only be utilized if you can pay for them. At $6,659.81 per year, the ability to acquire those services to attain justice for a sexual assault is drastically lessened assaulted many sexual assault victims just have to endure and go on with their lives. 

The other major problem facing the developing world when it comes to decreasing sexual assaults is the prevalence of violence in society. This goes hand-in-hand with the problem of income. In many developing countries, the justice system and police force work for the highest bidder, and many times do not even look into reports from low-income communities.

For example, in a recent case conducted by International Justice Mission in Bangalore, India, the accused was a brick factory owner who kidnapped more than a dozen women and children to work in his factory. To keep order he would systematically rape them and beat them. IJM found this out and visited the factory with a district magistrate, who witnessed first-hand the situation. The case took six and a half years to bring to a full trial, and the judge over the case in the end decided to reassign the case to another judge, who without viewing any evidence, acquitted the accused of any wrongdoing. In almost seven years of working on the case, IJM staff met with the police 26 times, made 53 visits to other relevant government officials, made 73 trips to the courthouse, and met with 10 different prosecutors. And yet, the accused still were not found guilty.

The only way to reduce the prevalence of sexual assault in the developing world is to reduce the levels of violence in low-income communities, improve justice systems, and improve GDP per capita to eliminate for-profit law enforcement. This is a daunting task, but with non-profits working around the clock on other issues, we are bound to one day improve on these conditions as well.

Communication Is Key by Benedictine University blogger Karly Sacco

Coming from someone that is in a committed relationship, I understand and relate completely with the fact that communication is essential. We as human beings need to communicate with our partners in order to maintain a long-lasting, healthy connection. 

The list is endless as to why communication is key when it comes to loving your significant other, but let’s just name a few of the really important reasons.

-Respect-

I know you’re thinking it, Aretha Franklin was right when she sang about it. Respect is the number one element within a relationship. I am not just talking about respecting your partner, but most importantly I am referring to self-respect. There is no way you can respect other people if you cannot truly believe in yourself and know your limits. When you and your partner are being sexual, make sure that you remember to respect yourself before you do something you don’t want to do. If you show your partner that you care about your body and you respect yourself to a certain extent then the respect will become mutual and you will define a certain level of understating each other’s needs and desires. Communication doesn’t always have to be spoken; you can show your partner ways to respect you through your actions and emotions.

-No More Misunderstandings-

How many times have you gotten into an argument with someone because they thought you meant something completely different than what you would trying to communicate to them? If you and your partner have a clear understanding and are open with one another about everything in your lives, than there will be no more misunderstandings.Truly let them know how you are feeling, and the odds are there won’t be a misunderstanding and the problem can be resolved rationally.

-Fighting Is Kept to a Minimum- 

The last but most defiantly not the least important point I am going to touch on is that communication between couples can keep their fighting to a minimal. Obviously every couple fights because of their own personal reasons that make each other mad, but communicating can help reduce the amount of fighting that happens on a daily basis. Tension builds in a household when a couple are mad at each other, but they don’t talk about it. They just let the issue linger on until they both can’t hold it in anymore and blow up over something so stupid that could have been fixed a week ago with a little bit of communication.