Good Communication Knows No Bounds by blogger Emily

I’m in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is a Marine and he moved away this past October. To state the obvious: this sucks. I miss him. Due to the nature of his work, he may be gone for four consecutive days incommunicado. I live on the west coast, he lives on the east coast, and sometimes the three-hour time difference feels like years. The distance and the time change often exacerbate any frustration I have with him or with our relationship. When this happens, I stop communicating.




There is a difference between texting and calling someone constantly and communicating. I’ve found that I’m leery of tainting the precious time when we can talk by venting my frustrations to him. So even if I am on the phone with him, I’m often not communicating with him.




We never had trouble communicating when we lived together, but the long distance relationship meant that we had to adjust our methods of communication. Through time, I’ve become better and he has too.




Initially, I found that I was more frustrated with the situation than with him. I missed his presence, but at the same time, I didn’t want to make him feel bad or guilty for having to move away. I was proud of what he was doing and felt selfish for crying at night and sometimes eating ice cream straight out of the container while nestled up on my couch. I internalized all of my feelings for the first month of our long distance stint. This made matters worse. I was like a ticking emotional time bomb capable of combusting at a moment’s notice.




I combusted. I called my boyfriend late at night and sobbed. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Then he said something to me that revolutionized our communication. He told me that above all, he wanted to know how I was feeling and he hoped that I wanted to know the same about him.




This seems obvious, but I needed to hear it.




I care about the zit on his face that’s bothering him because I care about him. I care about how his dinner tasted because I care about him.




If this level of care is lacking in the relationship, both parties need to reassess their motives for staying in the relationship.



It’s natural for communication to not always be flawless, but when this happens, it is necessary for couples to acknowledge this and fix it, so it doesn’t smolder and eventually hurt somebody.




Good communication doesn’t depend on distance; it depends on the levels of effort and care that each member of a relationship exerts.